Starting Over

Sunday I had my assessment to start my fitness program again. Mind you I am 3 months post par tum and had a c-section to deliver an 11 pound child. To say my body has been beaten up over the last year would be an understatement. I have gained a lot of weight and since I didn’t work out during my pregnancy I am not as muscular as I was prior to getting pregnant and my abs are practically shot, thank you diastasis recti. (For those of you unfamiliar with this term it is simply the abdominal muscles being separated during pregnancy leaving a gap in between them once your stomach goes back to post baby). My hopes are that I can get fit and stay fit through my next pregnancy.

So I walk in to the gym that I am signed up at, which is new to me, I would have gone back to my previous fitness center but they don’t take infants under 6 months of age, and I begin walking on the treadmill while I wait for my coach on face-time. Seeing myself on the screen is hard, I see the weight in my face and I have braces so I don’t think highly of my appearance at the moment. My self confidence these days has taken quite a hit. The parts of my body that I did like are now a little more flabby and plump or bear the marks of having a baby. I know there are woman out there that would be thrilled to have the tiger stripes, and I feel for them, but that doesn’t take away from my feelings or the fact that I no longer recognize the person I see in the mirror.

I finally get in touch with my coach and we go through my hour long assessment. Man did I not realize just how out of shape I am. I even told her that I might not have another kid because this time I felt like I took 10 steps back after getting fit before baby number 2. I was doing side planks and shook forcefully, as I attempted to maintain my form for the entirety of the exercise. She encouraged me though, to not get discouraged and the reason I have her on my team was so she could get me back on track and feeling better about myself.

The next day, however, I felt the pain, as much as I wanted to complain, I love having muscular pain and knowing that it is for the purpose of getting my fitness back on track, taking control of my life. I am super stoked to start my workout routine on the first and see how the weight falls off now that my nutrition is getting better. I couldn’t be happier about the journey I am on.

I purposely leave this blog post image-less because I am not comfortable at this time to show my current state. I will get to the point of doing my before and after photos to show all my readers out there that it is possible. But, I have been doing a lot of sharing about my self-image and I am still not fully comfortable divulging it all. I want to be a vulnerable blogger, and I am trying to, so I invite you to stick around and follow me on this path of purpose!

Proud Moment

As you may or may not have read in one of my previous posts, Frightened By Food, I used to despise cooking and avoided certain foods. I wouldn’t say I am one-hundred percent better when it comes to dealing with this, I can say I have made strides in my ability to cook and eat healthy foods on a whim. Before I started working with my fitness coach again, I was eating takeout at least once a day. This habit started back when my depression was at its height and I couldn’t cook, let alone have an appetite to eat, so when I did try to eat it was typically take out. Eliminating fast food is one of the goals I have on this journey, of course it won’t be a never again occurrence, but it will not be a weekly habit anymore.

With all that said, I made myself proud today. I didn’t know what to eat for lunch and I was debating on going to grab something. I thought about it and wracked my brain over it for almost an hour past my normal lunch time. “Should I go get this food? It won’t be a big deal it’s just one meal. I won’t really know what I am eating. Ok, maybe I will get Chipotle, that is mostly healthy whole food. But what about the cost, the portion, I won’t be able to weigh it out and know how many macros (macro-nutrients) I am consuming.” For an hour I did this dance in my mind, an act of tug o’ war with this dilemma. One of my affirmations states, “I control the direction of my thoughts.” I can tell you, I wasn’t sure who was in control when it came to this debate.

Finally, I decided I did in fact want Chipotle, but, instead of loading up the kids to go 15 minutes away, unloading them, and then reloading them… you get the picture,  I could make it myself. All I had to do was make the pico de gallo, everything else was already available to me. Sooo, I did end up having to do the dance of loading everyone up, but I just proceeded to the grocery store down the road to purchase the necessary items for some pico. (Here is the link to the easy recipe,

Once home, I commenced the creation of my cuisine, and overall it turned out really well. The next time you are craving some take out, consider the option of making it yourself. It’s healthier, you have the control over what is being put in your body, and you might just learn something new. I had an easy lunch that tasted great for perhaps half the cost. I could do the math to figure out the savings and get back to you on that but, I probably won’t. Hopefully, you will find some inspiration in this and make healthier food choices for you and your family too. (If you have a family, otherwise do it for yourself, as my coach says, “The world deserves the best version of you”.